As parents, we all have the best intentions, but sometimes our actions and behaviors can have unintended consequences. Kids of all ages pick up on more than we realize—small comments, habits, and reactions can shape their perception of the world and themselves. The truth is, even loving and well-meaning parents can accidentally set a bad example without even knowing it.
In this article, we’ll look at parenting through a kid’s eyes and explore 12 ways you might be unknowingly being a “bad parent,” according to your children. We’ve broken it down by age group (2-5 years old, 6-10 years old, 11-14 years old, and 15-18 years old) so you can understand the specific challenges each stage of development brings for children whose parents are involved. We’ll also provide solutions and insights to help you correct these mistakes and understand the effects of bad parenting on your child’s development.
THE EFFECT AND INFLUENCE OF BAD PARENTING PER AGE GROUP:
AGE GROUP 2-5 YEARS OLD: LITTLE EYES WATCHING YOUR EVERY MOVE
1. BEING TOO FOCUSED ON YOUR PHONE
At this age, children are eager for attention, and they notice when you’re distracted by the rest of the world.
• What Kids Say: They appreciate when a parent acknowledges their feelings and provides support and guidance. They often feel the effects of both good parenting and bad parenting in their daily lives, shaping their sense of self.
"Mommy and Daddy are always looking at their phones when I talk."
• Why It Matters: Understanding the effects of bad parenting can enhance a child's sense of self. Parents are bad if they don’t acknowledge their kids’ feelings. Kids thrive when they experience good parenting that includes love and support. The difference between authoritative parenting and negative parenting can shape a child's future and influence their life choices. Acknowledging your mistakes can foster a stronger bond and model good parenting. Understanding the impact of your parenting style can lead to better outcomes for your child. Children need eye contact and active listening to feel valued, as it nurtures their emotional development. When you’re on your phone, they may feel ignored and unimportant, leading to disconnection and feelings of being a bad parent.
• How to Fix It: Implement positive and negative reinforcement strategies to improve your parenting. Here are some steps you can take to revisit and improve your parenting approach. Consider how your actions might hinder your child's sense of self and independence. Identify the behaviors that hinder your relationship with your child. Parents and children can work together to find solutions. The parenting journey can be challenging, but it’s important to address issues together. Consider how your parenting style affects your teen's emotional well-being. Adopt a positive parenting approach to improve communication, as it nurtures a stronger bond and teaches your child the value of respect. Set specific times when your phone is off-limits (like during meals or playtime). Give your child your full attention, even if it’s just for a few minutes.
2. GETTING ANGRY OVER SMALL ACCIDENTS
Young children are still learning how to navigate the world and are bound to make mistakes.
• What Kids Say:
"Daddy gets mad when I spill my milk."
• Why It Matters: Overreacting can make kids feel scared and anxious about making mistakes. They might start hiding accidents from you, fearing punishment instead of seeking your guidance.
• How to Fix It: Stay calm and use these moments as teaching opportunities, as Dan Siegel suggests, to promote positive parenting. Reassure your child that mistakes are part of learning.
3. NOT PLAYING WITH THEM ENOUGH
Toddlers crave one-on-one playtime and connection.
• What Kids Say:
"Daddy says she’s too busy to play with me."
• Why It Matters: Playtime is how young children bond with their parents and develop social skills. Missing out on play can make them feel neglected.
• How to Fix It: Set aside dedicated playtime every day, even if it’s only for 15 minutes. Let your child choose the activity to make it special.
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AGE GROUP 6-10 Years Old: THE LEARNING PHASE
4. BREAKING YOUR OWN RULES
Consistency is crucial for kids in this age group. They notice when you set rules but don’t follow them yourself.
• What Kids Say:
"Dad says no phones at dinner, but he uses his all the time."
• Why It Matters: Kids learn by example. If they see you breaking rules, they might think it’s okay for them to do the same, which can lead to disconnection.
• How to Fix It: Lead by example, demonstrating positive parenting techniques in your interactions. If you set a rule, follow it yourself; otherwise, it can undermine your parenting philosophy. This teaches respect and integrity, helping to prevent feelings of disconnection.
5. COMPARING THEM TO OTHER KIDS
It’s tempting to motivate your child by comparing them to their peers, but this can backfire.
• What Kids Say:
"Daddy always says my friend is better at sports than me."
• Why It Matters: Comparisons can hurt self-esteem and make kids feel inadequate. It may also damage your relationship with them.
• How to Fix It: Focus on your child’s unique strengths and celebrate their progress, rather than comparing them to others.
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6. NOT APOLOGIZING WHEN YOU'RE WRONG
Children respect parents who can admit their mistakes and understand that being a single parent can be challenging.
• What Kids Say:
"Dad never says sorry, even when he’s wrong."
• Why It Matters: If you never apologize, your child may learn to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, which is not ideal for their upbringing.
• How to Fix It: When you make a mistake, own up to it, because it doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent; it’s a chance to teach your child accountability. Apologizing shows your child that even though their parents might make mistakes, it’s okay to admit them.
7. YELLING TOO MUCH
Kids are sensitive to raised voices and can feel scared or stressed when parents yell frequently.
• What Kids Say:
"I don’t like it when Daddy yells."
• Why It Matters: Yelling can damage your child’s emotional health and may make them less likely to listen to you, which can make you a bad parent.
• How to Fix It: Try using a calm, firm voice instead. If you feel yourself getting upset, take a moment to breathe and remember the principles of good parenting before responding.
AGE GROUP 11-14 Years Old: NAVIGATING TWEENS
8. CRITICIZING THEM INSTEAD OF THEIR ACTIONS
Tweens are developing their sense of identity and are sensitive to criticism.
• What Kids Say:
"Dad always says I’m lazy when I don’t do my chores."
• Why It Matters: Criticizing their character rather than their behavior can lead to low self-esteem.
• How to Fix It: Focus on the action, not the person. Instead of saying, "You’re lazy," try, "I noticed you didn’t finish your chores. Let’s work on managing time better."
9. BEING OVERPROTECTIVE
It’s natural to want to keep your kids safe, but being too controlling can stifle their growth.
• What Kids Say:
"Dad never lets me go out with my friends."
• Why It Matters: Overprotectiveness can prevent children from developing independence and problem-solving skills.
• How to Fix It: Gradually give your child more responsibility and freedom, while setting clear boundaries to support their upbringing. Trust them to make good choices; a lack of trust can lead to feelings of punishment.
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AGE GROUP 15-18 Years Old: PREPARING FOR ADULTHOOD
10. EXPECTING PERFECTION
Teenagers already feel pressure from school and peers, which can lead to negative parenting outcomes. Adding parental expectations can be overwhelming.
• What Teens Say: They often feel validated when parents listen to their concerns.
"My parents expect me to get perfect grades all the time."
• Why It Matters: Unrealistic expectations can lead to stress and burnout and may cause teens to fear disappointing you.
• How to Fix It: Encourage effort rather than perfection. Praise your teen for their hard work and resilience, not just the end result.
11. NOT RESPECTING THEIR PRIVACY
Teens need space to develop their own identity and independence.
• What Teens Say:
"Dad always goes through my stuff without asking."
• Why It Matters: Lack of privacy can make teens feel disrespected and less likely to trust you.
• How to Fix It: Establish trust by respecting their personal space. Only check their belongings if you have a serious concern, and talk to them about it first, as this builds trust and prevents the fear of child abuse.
12. USING GUILT TO CONTROL THEM
Manipulating your teen with guilt can be a form of bad parenting that damages your relationship and their self-esteem.
• What Teens Say:
"Dad always makes me feel bad when I don’t do what he wants."
• Why It Matters: Guilt-tripping can lead to resentment and make your teen less willing to communicate openly.
• How to Fix It: Be direct and honest with your requests. Explain why you feel a certain way without using guilt as a tactic, as it’s like exhibiting bad parenting behaviors.
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TOP 10 PARENTING FAQs ON HOW TOP BE A BETTER ROLE MODEL
1. How can I set a better example for my child and avoid being perceived as a bad mom?
Lead by example. Your actions speak louder than words and can deliver more positive outcomes.
2. How do I admit when I’m wrong without losing authority, especially in a world where parents’ mistakes can lead to perceptions of bad parenting?
Apologizing is a good sign that shows strength and builds respect. It won’t make your child see you as weak; rather, it can validate their feelings.
3. What should I do if I realize I’ve been setting a bad example?
Own up to it and have a conversation with your child. Use it as a learning opportunity for both of you, reflecting on good parenting practices.
4. How can I balance work and family time better?
Set clear boundaries and make family time a priority. Even small gestures like having dinner together matter.
5. How can I stop yelling at my kids and adopt a more positive parenting philosophy?
Practice deep breathing and try to communicate calmly. If you need to, take a break before responding.
6. How do I respect my teen’s privacy while staying involved in their parenting journey, especially as a single parent?
Establish trust by communicating openly, as it can hinder the development of a healthy sense of self in your child. Give them space but be a good parent by being available when they need support.
7. How do I encourage my child without putting too much pressure on them?
Focus on their effort and progress, rather than expecting perfection.
8. How can I teach my child to handle stress better and become more resilient?
Model healthy coping strategies like exercise or talking through problems.
9. How do I avoid comparing my child to others?
Celebrate your child’s unique strengths and focus on their unique journey.
10. How can I make time for play with my young kids when I’m busy?
Research shows that even 15 minutes of focused play can make a big difference in strengthening the bond between parents and children. Make it a daily habit to reflect on your parenting philosophy which can have lasting consequences.
BEING A GOOD PARENT VS A BAD PARENT: SMALL CHANGES = BIG IMPACTS
Parenting isn’t about being perfect and you've made mistakes; it’s about being present and mindful. Your children notice more than you think, and small changes in your behavior can have a big impact on their development and create meaningful connections with them. Take a moment to reflect on the ways you might be unintentionally setting a bad example, and ask your child for feedback to make positive changes. Your efforts to be a better role model as a caregiver won’t go unnoticed, and they will set your child up for a happier, less rebellious, and healthier future.
Take the time to lead with love, patience, and integrity. Your kids are learning from you every day—make sure you’re teaching them the right lessons.
